Bad Lies To The IT Guy – I think I’ve heard it all

In all the years I’ve had in IT, I think I can say that I’ve heard every lie in the book.

“I don’t know how a got a virus!”
Simple. You surfed to hotmailorderbrides.com and you got infected.

“My son used my computer and now it has ‘Stripper Girl’ loaded”
See above.

“I was never told we couldn’t surf pr0n.”
Did ‘new employee’ training did we? You know, where you were told you couldn’t do that.

“It was an accident, it fell off the desk.”
Uh huh. Things don’t fall of the desk when we have earth tremor rated 7 on the Richter Scale, but your old computer just fell.
Heard of our “new for old” replacement program, have we?

“My printer is printing ‘Braille’.”
Change the ribbon.
“Had the printer six years, and never had to do that before.”
Bull-hickey

“I don’t need to do a change control advisory for this simple request.”
Production system is it Dum Dum? DO the freakin change control advisory.

Tell me a lie, and I may be forced to write a report for management on the incident (and they’ll take no action, but we’re a CYA organisation)

Tell me the truth, and I’ll be your bestest friend, in a Burrell Smith kind of way.

Further reading -> BOFH

p.s. And people wonder why their IT guy is cynical. I’d have trouble recognising the truth these days from an computer user. Even if it bit me on the bum.

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