Out of Office message: Employee 23279 has left the building

Once received this from someone I emailed at another company.

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I will be out of the office starting 23/12/2005 and will not return until 31/12/2099.

Hi there,

If you’ve got this mail from me then it means that you hadn’t realised that I have finally escaped from HAL before good old Uncle Larry managed to outsource my role to India, Malaysia, Outer Mongolia or somewhere else cheaper than the UK.

If you’re mailing me because you have a DIALUP or a SECURID problem then I’m very pleased to say that I am no longer able, willing or interested in being able to assist. If you don’t have a reference number from the helpdesk then you really shouldn’t be mailing me before getting one anyway.

After six and a half years of being employee number 23279 to HAL I am really looking forward to starting my new role with a smaller company in which I will actually be known by my name! I’m told that my new company are also keen to invest in training for me which will indeed be a novelty after the last several years.

For anyone that has tried to get in touch with me for non HAL related reasons you can still get hold of me through Schoolmates Reunion or at the Carron Tavern, Melbourne.

So, arrivederci, adios, au revoir, auf wiedersehen. I’d like to say it has been fun, it certainly was in the early days but, to be honest, the last four years have been dreadful.

All the best for the future,
Employee 23279.