True Friendship

  1. When you are sad – I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard or bitch who made you sad
  2. When you are blue – I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you
  3. When you smile – I will know you finally got laid
  4. When you are scared – I will rag on you about it every chance I get
  5. When you are worried – I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be…until you quit whining
  6. When you are confused – I will use little words
  7. When you are sick – Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have
  8. When you fall – I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass

This is my oath… I pledge it to the end. “Why?” you may ask; because you are my friend

Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth

And always remember – when life hands you lemons…

Ask for some tequila and salt

(not sure of the original author)