“Not IT, no sir-ee.  I shuffle papers for a living.  See the shine in the seat of my trousers?  Don’t leave my chair all day”

That’s the story most people get when I’m asked.

Only IT Workers and Doctors get the truth when they ask.

If you’re a doctor, and I’ve seen a few of them recently, you’ll get the truth.  Doctors understand.

Doctors understand that, as soon as you tell people that you work as a doctor, the “oh I’ve got this strange lump, could it be cancerous?” question soon follows.  Readers are invited to suggest what the computer version of it is.  The question I most often get is “My computer is slow, why?”.  Sometimes followed by, “What sort of computer should I buy?”

Doctors get told: I assist IT support staff with problems they cannot solve, and customers when they complain loudly enough to management about their issues.

The IT Worker version goes something like this:
I work in SOE development, and also provide 3rd level support for numpty users, and technicians, who ask questions like “Dude, you people didn’t test the printer properly! It doesn’t print colour”.  I also provide free support for numpty vendors, who’s idea of saving money is to outsource driver creation to “Gumpta of the Calcutta Black Hole”.  Don’t laugh, it happens.

Ah, Australia Day, the day the British rowed ashore and claimed Australia for King George III.  Since 1988, it has been claimed by the politicians as a way to glad-hand the common folk and kiss babies.  Don’t believe me?  Our latest Prime Minister turned the announcement of the “Australian Of The Year” into a rock concert.

“After the official proceedings, popular bands Evermore and Rogue Traders rocked the crowd at a free concert.”

And I could bang on about many of the bozos picked for “Australian Of The Year”, but let me just pick one:
Pat Rafter, tennis player.  Chiefly known for living in Bermuda to avoid paying Australian income tax.

For me, Australia Day is about having a quiet beer and burning a few snags on the barbie.

Myki is the new ““smartcard”” travelcard which is to be used on public transport here.  Trains, trams and buses.

3 years late, $350 million dollars over budget, and it’s failed to deliver every promise.  Just like a typical IT project.

It doesn’t work on trams or buses yet.  Unlike train stations, trams and buses do not have a fixed landline to handle the communications back to the Myki processing centre.

Having said that, I’ve carried one for the last week, and here’s my opinion:

• You need to “scan on” & “scan off” the system.  This takes about 2 seconds.
  This is a bit different to the current Metcard system where people don’t need to “scan off” at the majority of destinations.
  So, a “scan off” has been added for most people travelling home.
• Will it scale?
  I wonder what the scan off delay is going to be, when there is 1 million people using the system.
• It doesn’t work on trams and buses.  So if I want to catch a tram at lunchtime I have to buy an extra ticket.
• The Myki card is readable scan though the thickness of my wallet, so that’s a plus.

For the most part, Myki does seem to work.  It’s a shame that it’ll take 19 years to recover the cost of Myki.

I’ll leave you with this quote:

Well, one definition of rapt is “to be transported with emotion,” which sort of describes the feelings of James Rowan and Dean Fidock, who headed South Australia’s State Transport Authority when Adelaide’s Metroticket system was introduced in 1987. According to another story in The Australian, the two said they were “stunned at the amount of money wasted in the Myki fiasco.”

Adelaide’s was the world’s first electronic ticketing system and, like what Myki is supposed to eventually do, covers buses, trains and trams. However, the Adelaide ticketing system only cost AU$10.5 million to develop.

Even accounting for inflation since the mid-1980s, AU$1.3 billion does seem a wee bit excessive for a ticketing system in comparison.

- IEEE – The Risk Factor Blog

“Help people with computers”.  It’s easier than trying to explain operating system deployment:

I actually work in SOE development, support and deployment.

1882 – Windsor – Brighton Beach Duplicated
1899 – Birchip – Woomelang Line Opened
1924 – Tram W.256 entered service
1929 – Tram W2.582 entered service
1947 – Tram SW6.931 entered service
1968 – I was born, which makes me 40ish.
1970 – Carriages PCO1 and PCO2 entered service
1971 – Tram Ballarat.21 was withdrawn
1981 – Tram W2.455 was withdrawn
1984 – Harris Carriages 711M and 804T were withdrawn
1986 – Tram A2.278 entered service
1991 – Tram B2.2087 was delivered
1992 – Trams B2.2093 and B2.2094 entered service
2008 – Visited the (former) General Motors Railway Station
2009 – Not a bad birthday.*

(list courtesy of vicsig.net)

* – I got to travel on a couple of trains, had a tuna roll, received a pair of running shorts/after shave/cologne/gold bracelet.  Small things, but they added up.

Yes, I know it’s a topic that’s been done to death, but I’ve not touched it so…

I was looking for shavers on eBay, Gillette Double Edged Safety Razors, and stumbled across the store for fashion.addict619.

I never realised how much curvaceous models featured on eBay.  I was surprised.

And no, I’m not naive.  I’ve think we’ve all seen things racier than the photo left (the Wicked Weasel site for example).  It was a surprise to see curvaceous models on eBay.

The title of this post comes from the profile page of eBay seller Sexy Maria.  Who describes herself as being open for business.

Rightttttt.

I’m giving you information to improve your business. If I don’t want to provide my phone number to you, you should not force me to by producing the error:
Please provide an answer to all questions before submitting.

Because:

• I’m doing you a favour by replying.
• I don’t want you to give me a call, about the average customer service.
• In any case, you already have my number (from the rental agreement).

the world had just begun, and I was happy.

Or, things I realise I know now, I didn’t know then.

It’s not what you can see, but what you know is there, which is important.

I’ve stopped judging people based on looks.

And I accept people regardless of their sexual orientation.

‘We live on a rock.  Just one of many.  There ain’t no answers.  There’s just this.  And all you can really hope to do, is find a couple of people, who can make the seventy or eighty odd years we get to live of this sweet swinging sphere remotely tolerable.”

In life, you have privileges, not rights.

Just do you know, my politics are right of Genghis Khan.  In other words, I vote conservative.  But that doesn’t stop me being a “union shop steward”, as someone in senior management put it.
I expect that my employer will respect my RIGHTS, which they signed up for under a Workplace Agreement.  This is one of the few times where I do have RIGHTS, as opposed to privileges.

You always regret the one you missed out on.

I declined the chance of a cab ride in a VicRail Locomotive.

Why?  Well the guy making the offer to me was a sleazy bastard, and I didn’t want to be beholden to the bloke.

We had a building evacuation today, and the discussion turned to the subject of “Go Bags”.

Go Bags were suggested by the Mayor of Melbourne back on the 17th June as “Emergencies can happen without warning and with devastating effect …”

So what do the City of Melbourne recommend for a “Go bag”:

• a copy of your personal ‘Important Information’ template
• a bottle of water
• a torch, AM radio and extra batteries (check the batteries’ shelf life)
• walking shoes, a jumper and trousers and a lightweight rain coat
• any other personal items that are critical to you, e.g. an extra cane, spare batteries for hearing aid
• a roll of toilet paper, tissues, a plastic bag, other personal hygiene supplies;
• a pen and note pad
• a phone card
• first aid and personal medications
• extra house and car keys
• a mobile phone if you have one, and a charger.
• the Elgin Marbles
• a kitchen sink.

Should be a ruddy suitcase with all that stuff.  (the last two were more of a joke than the others).

When you evacuate your building after a terrorist attack, with your Go Bag, you should go to an Emergency Evacuation Point.  But as Young and Grumpy points out, the AFL might be a problem:

Emergency evacuation points will be the MCG, Etihad Stadium, Melbourne Exhibition Centre and the Melbourne Museum. However, the AFL are disputing that Etihad could be used as an evacuation point and have said that they already have a contractual arrangement to play games at the stadium during a major attack on Melbourne.

My “Go Bag” is an Asics “Bum Bag”.  It’s also my work bag most days.

It contains:

• backup hard drive (see this post for the why)
• mobile phone
• house keys
• train tickets
• 4 inch post-it notepad with pens.
• money

as you hear people say.

I have an idea.

Fit cameras to unmarked cars, which members of the public drive.

When the driver sees a particularly horrible traffic offense, they hit the record button.  This causes the video camera to dump the last 60 seconds of (buffered) video to disk, and causes the camera to record for the next minute.

At the end of the day, the recorded offenses are uploaded to the camera office.  Then reviewed, and tickets issued.

I reckon it would sharpen up people’s driving skills pretty damn quick.  Or, at least, take the numpties off the road.